im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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