So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
