what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
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