I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
