I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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