there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
