Your tits are I can't wait for
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
