If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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