I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I know her cup size but not her name....
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