I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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