better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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