i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
