He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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