a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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