I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
