From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize