'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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