Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
