Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
