Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just forgot I was standing up.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
