tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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