David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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