doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
