don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
