Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
