Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
