apparently the secret to your success is patron
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
