omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
