they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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