you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
