I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
