yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
