the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
