More tranny stories later!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
