I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
