South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
