I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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