I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
