I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
