I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
