bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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