if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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