I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
