dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
