gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
