Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
