Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
