Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize