Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
