She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
