He is like the real live version of the state fair..
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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