Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I got chris browned last night
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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