he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
