cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
