I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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