I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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