In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
