question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
