at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
