Apparently you make a good broom.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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