Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
