So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize