cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
