I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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