Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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