If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize