Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This is my gift to your gina
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
