Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
