I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
