I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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