ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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