i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
