I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
