I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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