Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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