I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
