my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
please don't ironically join a cult
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