i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
