Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
