he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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