Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
