oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
