omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
