"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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