she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
