I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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