watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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