Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
