i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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