Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
