do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
