drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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