Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
