I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
