butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
