you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
