so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
