y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
