We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
