Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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