Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
