her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
