We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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