youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize