happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
